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Showing posts from September, 2009

The Cycle

I have oftened wondered how two people who've experienced the same horrors in life can have completely different outcomes both in attitude and in quality of life.

Sometimes neither is particularly good but in contrast one seems above the other. One may be clinic-ly depressed but the other is a serial killer so in our eyes the depressed one has a good life.

In my life I have a very grave responsibility to not allow my past horrors to affect my children negatively. It's very difficult sometimes.

Sometimes it is very difficult to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes we so desperately want normalcy that we pretend we have it, we pretend that everything is fine. So we unintentionally continue the cycle. It may not be physical abuse, it might be bitterness or fear or hatred.

I've been to counseling, I've read the books. But the only solution I've found that actually works is Jesus. In Him I find the ability to forgive. I can look at the horrors of my past through H…

Truth or Lies?

Isn't it disappointing when you find out that something you really loved or believed in is completely fake or not what you thought it was?

It's like the time I found out that my Grandma's spaghetti is totally from a can. I was traumatized (at least in a welcome-to-the-real-world kind of way which isn't much on the grand scale). Her spaghetti was my favorite in the world and I was expecting, when I asked her for the recipe, to be slaving in the kitchen for hours. Instead she told me the brand of spaghetti sauce she buys. And for that very reason, I've never been able to enjoy it quite as much.

There are some things you expect to come from a can or to be full of ingredients that no human should ever consume. Like nacho cheese from a concession stand. It's okay, if you eat them you simply eat it with the understanding that you'll never know what you actually ate. But it's okay because you knew beforehand. Having it sprung on you that your Grandma isn…

Growing Pains

As a child, right before I would have a growth spurt, I would have terrible cramps in my legs. At the time I didn't care about that, all I cared about was the pain. I couldn't see past the pain.

However, I was always happy to find that my clothes were a few inches shorter, or I could reach something that I couldn't before.

I'm having growing pains again. The spiritual kind. At least I pray that is the case!

It hurts, it's hard and it's taking all of the strength I possess to not give up.

This time though, I am thankful - at least in the moments I'm not spiritually doubled over in pain. I pray that I have the strength to look past the pain to my Savior. To focus my eyes on Him and let Him lead my life. To glorify Him through it all.

Please, please pray for me!