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Showing posts from November, 2009

Promises

"If you continue in my word, then are you my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free" John 8:31,32

I guess that's my answer.

Continue in His word.

Be His disciple.

Know the truth.

Be set free.

Sounds like a plan!

You Want the Truth?!

I don't know about you but I struggle a lot with 'truth'.

There are so many people around me who seem so sure about what 'the Truth' is. I have no such confidence.

I know what I was raised to believe concerning spiritual issues, but I honestly can't say for sure that that is truth. Some things I know aren't at all.

I'm not talking about questioning the existence of God (been there, done that), I'm talking about the implementation of our worship of Him. I'm talking about what that worship looks like. Not only what most people call 'church' but every day communion with God.

Fear has played a large role in my own personal quest. I've seen others figuratively drug behind a moving truck because of how they believe they should worship God. Basically excommunicated because of their bodily stance during a public prayer. Families ripped apart, once revered men made a laughing stock.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid to know 'the truth…

The Lord is My Shepherd

I've started to type this a few dozen times.

I was pregnant when I got married. I know that probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but to me and my family, and to Michael and his family, it was a big deal.

I was raised to look down on people who made big mistakes like mine. I am the daughter of a preacher. One who likes his reputation intact.

I was basically a leader among the young people in my church.

I let everyone down. People believed in me and I let them down. My parents, Michael's parents, our siblings and all the people who counted on me to be the strong one. I let them down.

I've lived in the shadow of my sin ever since then. I gained weight as a subconscious way to announce to everyone that I know I suck. I'm not worth taking care of. My life ever since then has lived up to the standard of letting everyone down.

King David let everyone down. His baby died and then he got up and lived his life. Why can't I?

A Year of Unemployment

We missed the one year of unemployment mark by about one week. Michael started his new position this past Monday. Praise the LORD!!!

It's been a difficult year. Emotionally, spiritually and in pretty much every area of life.

I received an email a few days ago praising us for remaining strong throughout the process.

Well let me tell you. I did not remain strong. My heart and mind were full of worry, anxiousness, doubt and sometimes even resentment.

It was an extremely lonely time. I withdrew from a lot of people because I grew weary of being asked what Michael was doing to find a job. Or if I was going to get a job. People withdrew from us as well. I don't really know why that is, but it is true.

I am so thankful for this job, my gratitude is beyond anything I could ever describe to you.

I've learned a lot through all of this. Mostly, that I am not strong. And that my motivation for doing things is my own fear of failure. And that that doesn't get me very far.