A Heart's Desire

I'm having a bit of an identity crisis.

Don't worry...I'm not going to disappear to go looking for myself.

All of my kids are in school and I'm faced with trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. Yeah I know, I'm still a mom...and that is primarily what I'm supposed to be doing. But part of my job as a mom is giving my children wings, giving them opportunities to discover who God made them to be and where they fit in God's plan...teaching them to soar on the wings of eagles. And teaching is best done by example, right?

I'll tell ya, I have had a hard time thinking of something I'm good at. I've taken personality tests, read books and talked Michael's ear off.

I think that the hardest part has just been realizing that I'm not a mistake...that I'm not God's accident...that I'm not too damaged and sinful to be useful to God...that while I am still sinful, Christ died for me...and that He has set me apart for good works.

And, since I'm NOT a mistake or an accident (even though if I were...he could STILL use me!) He must have given me a gift.

According to the spiritual gifts assessment in Complete in Christ my most prominent gifts are prophecy, leading, and encouraging. I guess the next step is narrowing down how God wants me to use those.

I've taken other personality tests (Myers Briggs Personality Indicator says I'm ENFP/J) and read books (I'm almost done with Courage and Calling...which has been so helpful!).

So, what is my hearts desire? I've thought about this question almost constantly since it was asked of me (in Courage and Calling).

I've been a little discouraged at my lack of talent. I don't scrapbook, I can't draw...you name it! I'm either mediocre at it or completely inept! I'm just not good at anything tangible...and I'll tell ya...that's been a little frustrating. But...

I think my hearts desire makes sense of all of this. The thing I want to do most in the world is inspire, encourage and spark creativity in others...to help people reach goals that they haven't had the courage to try for. To give people a place where they know they are loved without condition, and where that love empowers them to follow Christ to a depth they hadn't known before. I want my life to be a love letter from Jesus. And I don't need to be a world famous soprano to achieve that...all I need is Jesus.

I don't have a specific plan for how to achieve this but I think that my spiritual gifts line up well (I think?). I've been praying that God will glorify Himself and adorn the Gospel with my life...and as I've been learning of late...the most successful plans begin with prayer and the knowledge that it is only through Jesus that I can do anything good.

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