I've Got The Itch!

I have never been a shopper. When I was in college I kind of developed an unhealthy relationship with shopping. I used it to fill my voids (along with food and promiscuity).  And up until the last couple of years, while I didn't have access to a lot of money, I spent a lot of money that I shouldn't have to comfort myself. Of course, we all know THAT drill. It's not really comforting because then you feel guilty.

For the last few years God has really curbed that appetite in me. He's taught me that nothing--not shopping, not eating, not fulfilling the desires of my flesh, not inflicting pain upon myself--NOTHING will fill the God shaped hole in my heart except HIM.

The last week or so I've really had an itch to shop.

Honestly, there are a lot of things we need (Nathaniel's tennis shoes have been duct taped closed and now the duct tape isn't holding...AKA He NEEDS shoes) but there's also a very limited budget for those things...and some of them will have to wait.

I've been struggling with contentment.

I've been focusing on the fact that all of my jackets and warm clothing are too big for me...and brushing aside the fact that I have a jacket at all. I've been focusing on the fact that other people's kids have multiple pairs of shoes instead of on the fact that my kids have shoes.

It's so funny how I kind of expect God to meet my standards. If I don't have multiple pairs of shoes, God hasn't met my need for shoes...right?! Kind of like the Israelites in the desert. They didn't have 5 pairs of shoes to choose from, but they had shoes that didn't wear out. They didn't have a big Thanksgiving feast to eat every day, but they had manna.

God never said that he would buy me a pair of new running shoes, he would give my kids the same standard of living that all their friends have, or that I would have a jacket that fits. But I have running shoes, my kids are clean, fed and happy and I have a jacket.

And at the end of the day I am truly blessed. Not being able to just go and shop away my sorrows helps me to depend on God instead of a new pair of shoes. It's helps me to remember that my treasure is not here. That my focus is not on fashion. It's on Jesus.

God is so awesome! Today I am thankful for warm clothes and shoes. And that God doesn't give me everything that I think I want, because what He has to give me is always so much infinitely better.

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