Showing posts from April, 2015

Mr. T Saves the Day!

So my favorite employee at my local Walmart happens to look like Mr. T. He just...really looks like Mr. T. Like, really.

Sometimes he's a checker. And if he is, I ALWAYS go to his line. Even if it's the longest one and all the people in front of me have shopped like their lives depend on getting their carts as packed full and over flowing as possible. Because, I just like Mr. T. He makes me happy. It's like Holly Golightly's deal with Tiffany's...nothing really bad could happen to me if Mr. T's around. :)

I've been feeling...grumpy and emotional. I won't go into why...I just neeeeed you to understand the power of my favorite Walmart employee and how much one Walmart employee can change the world. Because believe me, he DID change my families world. Did I mention I've been grumpy and emotional? :)

So tonight I went to Walmart to pick up my favorite healthy snack. I picked up my items and headed for the checkout. I didn't pay a lot of attention to…

Blessed are the Codependent People?

I don't ever remember a time when I wasn't afraid of people.

As a result, I learned at a young age to be acutely aware of other people and their words, facial expression, moods and body language. I am especially sensitive to the slightest changes in all of them.

I probably would have made a good spy.

It is uncanny how unconsciously observant I am.

This ability comes in handy sometimes, but it also presents a problem for me, because I allow the information I gather to hold me hostage. I put too much weight on the feelings of other people and allow them to affect my actions and feelings to an unhealthy degree. In the name of peacekeeping I have let things go that should have been addressed. I'm afraid of how others will respond. I have allowed the elephant in the room that's suffocating us all to just keep depriving the relationship of oxygen.

God has been working on me though.  Because this life isn't about pleasing people or making them like me. It's about dyin…

Truth and Lies

Since working through my Celebrate Recovery step study I've come to realize that all of my character defects are based on lies I've believed. Some lies are things people have told me with their actions or words, and some are lies I've "learned" from my life experiences. It doesn't matter where or who they come from...lies are lies. They all have the same father.

Lies are sometimes difficult to discern. Especially when there seems inerrant proof. And even more when I am the teller of them.

I'm not likable.
I'm not good enough.
I can't.
I'm garbage.
I'm unloved.
I'm ugly.
I have horrific faults, so I am unusable by God.

The thing is, belief is a choice. It's the context into which I receive information. I could find "proof" of just about anything. People have been convicted of crimes based on a lot of evidence and then proven innocent on one piece of evidence alone that completely changes the context of all the other eviden…

The Practicalness of Humility

I used to have a sort of phobia of being wrong...of anyone (including myself) seeing my faults.  Even when I was wrong I would defend the behavior or myself and everyone if I were completely right.  I was in complete and utter denial.

Looking back, I did some really stupid things based on my pride and desire to be right and feel superior.

Hiding was the name of my game. My faults were the herd of stampeding elephants in the room.

I can't say exactly WHEN God began working on this character flaw. I think it may have started when I realized, in my marriage, that if things were going to change, if we were going to get off the merri-go-round of unhappiness and unhealthy behavior and actually have a good marriage--or at least a bearable one-- someone was going to have to break the cycle...and it might as well be me.

I realized and slowly came to believe more and more that being the first to admit fault...and generally having an "I could be totally wrong"…

Broken Together

So, two people meet.  They "fall in love".  Then they encounter some type of obstacle and they almost don't make it...but they do and they live happily ever after.

So, I used to think that the Hollywood version of love couldn't be farther from the truth, but these days I think it's actually fairly accurate. Sort of.

In real life we meet, we're attracted to one another, we spend time together and decide to get married.  Then we encounter some type of obstacle and we wonder if we're going to make it. We either do or we don't but if we do, we're deeper in love.  And then it all starts again.

It's like an onion. (Donkey was onto something!) Onions are stinky. But to get to and deal with the stinky part that's actually offending my eyes and nose, I have to peel the layers off. Start with the skin.  It doesn't make a ton of difference but it's progress.  Progress is great and feels amazing but I get through one layer and revel in the awe…

Wild Indians and Sponges

Ever since our kids were small we've had a little devotional at the end of the day (um, we're inconsistent do not take this to mean every night). At first it mostly consisted of Michael and I thinking of songs to sing and then singing them and the kids would jump in where they could. Nowadays there's harmony. We can usually break out into 4 part harmony...and Michael gets an opportunity to sing bass.

Anyway, as they've gotten older we have included more Bible lessons and prayer as well.  And more recently we've started two new things, something we call "Mutual Edification" and a Share group night (inspired by and closely following Celebrate Recovery share groups).  The share group night just gives everyone the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption and without repercussions, and it also teaches them how to be safe people (people that can be trusted to not share each other's information and who can listen witho…

Who is Gonna Tell the Child?

Last night, for the first time, our family had the privilege of attending an Eagle Scout ceremony. 
Our oldest boys were asked to be a part of the ceremony.  They were put in charge of the ceremonial fire.  Fire.  In a public building full of people and expensive things. FIRE. :)

As a recovering helicopter parent I appreciate situations like this one because I almost always learn something from them.

I've read a lot of parenting books. But in recent years I think that God has really redefined my view of my job as a parent. I see my job as more of a guide. I give them a job, some instructions if/when necessary and then I step back to let them figure it out. It's my job to get them ready to fly off into the sunset without me.

Events like this one often teach me about an area where I haven't given them growing room. So I go away better prepared and more enlightened about what my kids are capable of.

Anyway, one of my favorite parts of the ceremony happened when the young man …

The Captain of an Anchored Vessel

Recently God's been taking me through a rigorous process of transformation.  I was already in awe of the work He had done in me and then I realized that the things He'd already healed were just flesh wounds.  The ones he is healing now are the wounds that I washed and bandaged and didn't even know needed to be dealt with further. They are the ones festering and infected that are infecting all the areas around them.

I'm learning a lot. I've been able to pinpoint a lot of the lies that I've believed...about myself, about others and about God.  I'm sure that there are still others that I've yet to discover. 
I can't even tell you how awesome it is to be able to openly admit and receive help to deal with and stop my sin. 
One of my most prominent defects of character is gluttony.
I comfort myself with food.
I binge eat.
I have 30 more character defects though and in dealing with those I've become very passive about this one. I've sort of been wa…

Imagination Station

I really enjoy history. I especially enjoy well done movies about historical people and events. To be honest, it's not all about the facts.  I love the costumes, hair and make up as much as I enjoy the story.

I love historical movies because I really love gaining perspective into the timeline, the decision making process and the struggle that went into implementing whatever decision was made.  I enjoy learning WHY people acted the way they did and how they felt about making the particular decision they made. No matter what my previous thoughts were, I invariably end up gaining compassion for them...even if I completely disagreed with their decision.

The movie Lincoln is one of my favorites.  Going into the movie I had a cautious admiration of the man.  My husband grew up in Alabama and his education regarding Abraham Lincoln was vastly different than my I had long since given up my hero worship.

It's hard for me to identify with someone like Abraham Lincoln, which ma…

The Little Engine that Could...Because God Was Working Through Her

I began reading the entire Bible through on a yearly basis when I was around eight. My dad bought our entire family chronological daily reading Bibles and at some point during the day we would all read silently to ourselves or take turns reading aloud.

I enjoy reading my Bible. Reading the Bible is always a good thing, but for a large part of the time I was speed reading the word of God so I could check it off my list (and more recently so my Bible app would stop sending me notifications that I had not completed my reading). Pretty inane, huh?! So a couple of January's ago I made a conscious decision to NOT begin reading my Bible through. Instead, I determined to read verses and chapters and books whenever I took a fancy, while committing to read SOMETHING every day. (Okay, so here's where it gets real...I missed days. I might have even missed weeks occasionally. Make no mistake...I'm not a miss goody two shoes who never misses a day reading my happens)

A few m…