Showing posts from June, 2015

15 of My Favorite Feelings

With all of the things going on in the world I just feel the need to think happy thoughts. And I don't think I have any deep thoughts left. So I'm going to share with you my favorite feelings or the things that make me feel good. I got the idea from here. Yes, I watch make up videos on YouTube and this is a girl that I watch

In no particular order...

1. The wind blowing through my on a lovely evening after a hot day and I roll the car window down and turn the radio up. It just makes me feel alive and free and like anything is possible.
2.  Riding a bike down a steep hill. It's a little crazy. It's kind of scary. When the wheels wobble a little and I'm not quite sure if I'm going to biff it or not but then somehow I manage to keep it upright. Again, alive, free and like anything is possible.
3.  Seeing my kids keep going when they want to give up. Watching them work through the issue to find a solution and then see them finish strong!!! It's like …

The One Where I Should "Be the Change..."

One of my favorite episodes of Friends is the one where Phoebe and Rachel decide to start running and Rachel is embarrassed by the way Phoebe runs. Instead of talking to Phoebe about it (or just getting over it) she talks to all the other "Friends" and makes up excuses to give Phoebe for why she didn't go jogging with her. Phoebe eventually realizes there's something wrong and confronts Rachel and Rachel admits the problem and everyone has a little growing experience.

Passive aggressiveness and unhealthy relationships used to be a way of life for me. This is an area where God is doing some serious renovation in my life. He started showing me a few years ago how damaging passive aggressiveness is and has mostly cleansed my life of it. But I still struggle with passiveness quite a bit! I'm so thankful for God's grace.
The amazing thing that I've learned is that relationships don't have to be that way.  I don't have to go around wondering what peopl…

Sometimes My Kids Set Me Straight Volume II

About a week and a half ago, my big boys were packing for Scout camp. I had planned to start early, and we did but we didn't finish early and I was headed for my old panic routine of completely flipping out. I don't even remember the specifics, but I remember that I was probably channeling the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland (OFF with their heads!).
I've always said that I want my family to be different. I don't want to yell at each other. I don't want my kids to think I'm a hypocrite. I don't want my kids to be angry at me. I don't want slammed doors and words spewed like venom.
I want love and respect. Even in disagreement.
I used to be a yeller. As a young mom, I found myself going down a lot of roads I said I never would. 
I didn't know how to be a mom. I didn't know how to create an environment that embodied all of the things I wanted for my family. I still don't really. I know that sounds silly but I honestly was ignorant. I …

My Top Ten Moments as a Mother

Being a mom has changed me almost as much as being a wife. 

Here is my list of my favorite moments as a mother. A lot of them weren't my favorites in my overwhelmed and massively sleep deprived, mother of 5 kids in 4 years state ...but now that my kids are older and those days are behind us I can laugh. :)

Without further adieu...or adeiu or aduie. You know what I mean. :)

10. The time Caleb scooted across the bed at like 2 months and we called our parents and said he crawled. 

9. The time we met a friend at McDonalds and didn't order any food (just drinks) while the kids played on the PlayPlace and Lilla came back to our table with ketchup on her face. Confused, I looked around the room to find a group of people laughing hysterically and pointing in our direction. She had apparently walked up to their table and helped herself to some fries.
8. The time Elisabeth made it to church with no diaper or panties on. I heard a commotion at the entrance and went to find out what it was and…

Whatever It Takes

I've gone to church my whole life. I have sung "this world is not my home, I'm justa passin' through, my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue..." so many times that I can't possibly count. I have heard sermon after sermon after sermon about Heaven and the limitations of this Earth. 
I know in my head that this world is not where I belong. I know in my head that this world isn't meant to satisfy me and that it never will. Not my marriage. Not my home. Not my kids. Not my personal sense of accomplishment. 
But the other day I had a sort of 'aha!' moment.
I was pondering my beliefs about life. About my marriage in particular. I was kind of doing a heart check to see if my beliefs line up with God's word and I realized that they don't. 
I realized that my heart was still holding onto the belief that if I could just work hard enough or find the secret formula that all of my needs/wants could be met and I could be completely and utte…

Getting Real About Marriage

A little over a year ago, I wrote this post about my marriage. (And then about 6 months ago I wrote this one)

I kind of laugh at myself now because I didn't even know how unperfect my marriage was.

The truth is, I'm feeling a little bit cynical these days. I have a hard time reading anything about how to have a good marriage, because most of it seems so naive. And because I've taken so much of that advice and worked hard to implement it and I have still ended up where I have ended up. Broken. In a broken marriage. With a broken man.
We don't struggle with fighting about underwear on the floor. I mean, we might bicker about that periodically but it's never really about the underwear on the floor. 
Basically, his character defects and addictions have spent the last 15 years colliding with my character defects and addictions and now there's a desperate need for a "clean up on isle" All this time we thought the mess was normal and okay and what we d…

A New Deuteronomy

It is amazing how quickly I can get off track. How quickly I can forget my purpose.

Like with this blog. A little over two months ago I made a commitment to myself to write something every day and to post something to this blog two days a week.

I didn't care a whole lot if I got any page views. Because this is not about that.

But I fall into the trap of wanting to be accepted and approved of and I compare myself to other people. And I start questioning myself. Maybe people are just being nice. If I were really a good writer wouldn't....fill in the blank...happen?

What it really comes down to is writing, with whatever level of talent God has given me, is what God has given me. I'm a writer and I think that God wants me to use that to tell the story of what He's done for me and what He's still doing and what He's teaching me.

But like the one talent man in the story of the talents, sometimes I lose my nerve. I question and I am tempted to just bury it. Because so…

Adventures in Walking

I wrote this in August of 2011.
So I was walking along, oblivious to the world. Enjoying the evening--have I mentioned the evenings in Central California are the best evenings anywhere? Well, they are.
So I'm walking along, and a good song comes on so I get a little extra pep in my step....when out of the corner of my eye I see something running fiercely in my direction. I turn and see this GARGANCHUAN dog running at me.
Now, I'd like to stop right here to say that I have what I consider to be a healthy fear of animals. You will never read about me getting choked to death by my pet boa constrictor.

Also, I have a fairly nice sized knowledge of dog breeds and their corresponding personalities stored away.

With that being said...

I'm standing there and I see this huge dog...lips flapping in the wind putting his razor sharp teeth on display, its tongue hanging out, eyes all red and drooping and the skin around the eyes getting caught in the wind making the red around it's…

Motivation to Keep Going Even When it Hurts

A few years ago, during my weightloss saga, I was very motivated to reach a certain goal. For weeks I had been inching closer and closer to it but not quite reaching it. So I decided that "desperate times call for desperate measures" and I stuck 40 pounds in a backpack and started out on the 6 mile walk home from church.

Even as I started out the weight felt heavy but I was pretty determined so I set out anyway.

For the first 3 miles or so I was able to distract myself from the heaviness. I focused on the sermon (on Romans 8) that was playing in my ear.

As I made my trek my shoulders hurt, so I would stop, set the backpack down for about 30 seconds and then return it and continue on my way.

Each time I sat it down though, it became harder to pick it back up. The shoulder straps on the backpack--that was made so sturdy that they were willing to give us a lifetime guarantee--began to tear.

The weight on my shoulders made it difficult to even remain upright...putting one foot …

Fair Trade Friday

If you've never heard of Mercy House here is how the website defines it,
 "Mercy House Kenya is a 501c3 organization. The Mercy House exists to raise funds to provide alternative options for pregnant girls living in the streets of Kenya. The Mercy House will aid them in education, nutrition, housing, prenatal care, Bible study, counseling and job skills for sustainable living."Fair Trade Friday is a ministry of Mercy House. It is the implementation of teaching these girls "job skills for sustainable living". The mission is to empower women, instead of enabling them, to find value in creating something of high quality and earning the rewards of their labor. 100% of the proceeds go back to the artisans.

Fair Trade means "the products are created by artisans in fair working conditions who were being paid a fair wage." Basically, children aren't working in sweatshops to create these items. So you can buy and even give these items as gifts with a clear…

Thief of Responsibility

Up until about 8 months ago I was completely convinced that all, 100%, of the problems in my relationships were my fault. I believed that I had either created the problem in the first place, or I had made it worse.

Either way--my fault.

I had spent the last 8 or so years examining my relationships and taking ownership of the problems. And definitely a large portion of those problems were mine to own...but I was taking ownership of everything, 100%. And as I changed, things DID change so I took that as confirmation that I had been the problem.

But even as I worked so hard to change, by God's grace and through His power, some things didn't change.

I would go through periods of deep depression out of frustration and despair because I just hadn't changed enough to fix all the problems. I questioned whether I had actually changed at all or if it was just my imagination or pride. And I began to question whether it was even possible for me to change. Like maybe I was just a Saul …