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Whatever It Takes

I've gone to church my whole life. I have sung "this world is not my home, I'm justa passin' through, my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue..." so many times that I can't possibly count. I have heard sermon after sermon after sermon about Heaven and the limitations of this Earth. 

I know in my head that this world is not where I belong. I know in my head that this world isn't meant to satisfy me and that it never will. Not my marriage. Not my home. Not my kids. Not my personal sense of accomplishment. 

But the other day I had a sort of 'aha!' moment.

I was pondering my beliefs about life. About my marriage in particular. I was kind of doing a heart check to see if my beliefs line up with God's word and I realized that they don't. 

I realized that my heart was still holding onto the belief that if I could just work hard enough or find the secret formula that all of my needs/wants could be met and I could be completely and utterly happy based on that. 

The thing is, this life isn't about this life. 

Being dissatisfied here is a good thing. It is those feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment that send me running straight into the arms of God and into a deeper relationship with Him.

This life and this place and these people and this food are not meant to satisfy me. It's not their job. 

And that heart realization is revolutionizing me. It immediately lifted weight off my shoulders and gave me a sense of peace.

I can be content and even joyful in the imperfections and trials of this life. I can allow those moments to draw me closer to God.

When my husband lets me down, I can let him off the hook and praise God for the reminder that He is my completer and ultimate provider.

When my own flaws and imperfections become apparent and the limitations of my humanity show their face, I can praise God and seek His kingdom and trust that His power is perfected in my weakness.

My desire is for transformation. I have been praying for that. I long to be like Jesus. But I've been complaining about the very things He was using to answer those prayers. 

Hm...that reminds me of a song. How about you?! 

So today my prayer is "whatever it takes God. Whatever it takes to draw me to You. Please give me that. As scary as that could be....I trust You. Please give me that." 

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