I received a rejection letter today.

Before you feel the need to comfort me, please know that I'm completely fine.

A while back I learned that (in)Courage was accepting submissions for blog posts to be used on their site. It needed to be something original that had not been previously published and it should fit the tone for the site and the theme for the time frame it would be published.

I immediately wanted to submit something. I wanted honest feedback about my writing from someone who doesn't already love me or like me or feel connected to me in some way. But I decided that I was not going to submit anything unless I felt prompted by God to do it. I wasn't going to force it. (On a side, but relevant, note I'm actually not sure if I stuck to this decision. I'm still asking God to open my eyes to blindness and He may reveal to me that I didn't wait for Him at all...that I jumped ahead in my own timing instead of His.)

So one night I sat down and wrote something. It wasn't phenomenal but I felt the push to submit it, so I did. I felt totally okay at the thought of receiving a rejection. If they used it, cool. If not, cool. Either way I totally trusted that God would use it for my good. And I believe that is true.

I struggle frequently with feeling like I don't have anything valuable to offer the world. But as my faith is growing and my ability to refute Satan's lies grows I recognize that I do have something to offer. God's power is made perfect in weakness.  So I write this blog as my "yes to God". I write this blog out of faith. Faith that God exists, that I matter to Him and that He has the power to heal me and change me from the inside out. Faith that I truly am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that I have a place in His body. Not because I'M awesome, but because HE IS.

Someone recently asked me what my blogging goals are and the only thing I could think to say was "to use the measure of talent that God has given me for His glory".

I'm not saying that to make myself seem more spiritual than I am. I'm saying that to reinforce to myself and to anyone reading this that this blog and anything I write is for Him. It's because I believe He gave me any talent that I have. Out of all the things in my life, writing has been the thing I've (in)consistently done because it feels like a calling. I feel compelled to do it.

Maybe there's something He wants me to learn from this. Maybe at some point I'll decide that I'm just really not good at this and that it really isn't what I should be doing. But that's okay. Because I want to be doing what HE wants me to be doing.

I'm not comparing myself to anyone else. At least I'm trying not to. I do sometimes, it's something I struggle with. But best case scenario, I'm not comparing myself to anyone else. Because God's not. He's the one I'm here for. I'm here because I'm doing a little planting and a little watering (at different times, obviously...I'm not saying I can do both Paul and Apollos's jobs) but God will always give the increase. It will never be my writing ability that will give the increase. It's always God. It's only by His power.
I'm going to write because as far as I can tell, that's what He's called me to. Maybe at some point I'll realize that I made a mistake in thinking that. Maybe I'll be embarrassed that I ever had the nerve to hit publish. But I'm going to do it anyway, because I trust God. And I'm offering what I have to Him. It isn't much but it's what I have.

My God is good. And His grace is sufficient. And that kind of makes me want to dance and sing. :) Be glad that's NOT what He's called me to!!! :)

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