I haven’t baked anything in a long time. Well, I take that back. I have baked but I have baked in a time crunch just to get it done. I’ve done the sort of hurried/shoddy baking that I do when I am tired and I have a deadline.
I have baked brownies from a box. I have baked cakes from a box.
So, if you do both of those things regularly...no judgment. I just REALLY enjoy baking from scratch. And if you know me very well, you know that I prefer to not bake from boxes. (Partially because I don’t want my children to grow up and think they have to have a box to bake.)
I have done very little baking just because I want to in the last almost 2 years.
I feel like my whole love affair with baking and cooking has hit a rut.
Honestly, most things that I enjoy doing just for the sake of doing them have been pushed aside in lieu of other things.
That’s not bad necessarily, my focus has been on my Recovery and transformation.
But I think in all my recovering and transforming, I forgot that God gave me gifts and desires and I’m not using them or enjoying them.
I have a tendency toward codependency. What that means, partially, is that I pick a person that I admire and then I try to be just like them. I try to like the things they like and do the things they do. But the thing is...I can’t do that. So I just give up and feel inferior.
I feel like God has awakened me. He has brought me out of denial in this area. He has reminded me that I am who He created me to be. I don’t have to be like anyone else to be loved. He loves me just the way I am. And that’s enough.