Before Google or smartphones, he gave me directions. Not super precise ones, but accurate directions nonetheless.
I got on 360 as directed, with the intention of following the directions without fail. But, the exit he told me to take from I-20, appeared out of nowhere on 360.
I felt confused and pressured to make a decision...maybe he meant for me to take this exit and he made a mistake in telling me to go to I-20? I mean, what are the chances that there are going to be two exits with the same name within a short distance?! Did I write the directions down incorrectly? Did I misunderstand? So, in my "about to pee my pants" crazed intoxication...I took the exit.
About 20 minutes later, I realized that he COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY meant THIS EXIT, so I did the drive of shame back to 360. Went west on I-20. Got off on Green Oaks. Made it to my destination. 20 minutes late.
Have you ever done that spiritually?
(When I say spiritually. what I really mean is "have you ever done this in your life?" Because, as a follower of Jesus, my whole life is spiritual. Right? I'm sure that God doesn't care a lot about which brand of toothpaste I buy, but I still do it in His name and for His glory. Because as a follower of Christ, scripture tells us to do everything we do in Jesus name and for His glory. Does that meant that EVERYTHING that I do brings Him glory?! Sadly, no. But it should. And my life is calibrated with HIM at the center. I lose my way and do the wrong thing frequently...but staying on course and letting God infiltrate even the part of me that buys toothpaste is what this life is about, right?! I don't know, maybe I'm completely wrong. Feel free to correct me.)
I've done this. I'm plugging along, following God's direction and trusting His faithfulness to make my paths straight, when out of nowhere a sign appears. And I relapse into trusting in MY OWN ability to discern the will of God instead of in His wisdom and faithfulness to direct my steps. I feel confused and pressured to make a decision. Do I stay on the course I'm on or take a turn? Is this the rode He means for me to take? Did I misunderstand? Am I misunderstanding NOW?
I recently realized that I may have made a wrong turn.
Lately I've been feeling like a dirty mop. Like a dirty mop that doesn't ever take the time to be cleaned in between moppings because "there's no time". So, I am technically performing the task, but not well or sufficiently or really AT ALL. It might LOOK done, it may be better than it was. But it is NOT done in the way it should be.
I've been doing things out of people pleasing and approval seeking instead of being called and gifted by God to do them. And I have not been taking time to recharge and allow God to restore my soul and fill me up so that I am ready and able to perform the tasks in front of me.
So, I am taking a sabbatical of sorts, through the end of this year. I am taking time to discern the will of God and to just listen to HIM. To take His directions instead of trying to figure it out myself in my "pressured to make a decision and fear of the judgment of people" hysteria.
I understand that there are some tasks that just have to get done and they aren't necessarily a calling. But I've realized that the gifts I've been given aren't being used in the tasks I'm doing. I'm doing the things I'm doing to please other people. And I want to stop that. Because even if, at the end of my self imposed sabbatical, I realize that the things I'm already doing are the ones God has called me to, I want to approach them in THAT way instead of from a place of people pleasing and approval seeking. I want to bring the gifts that God has given me to the table instead of being a pawn who just does what she's told to do like a little robot, being afraid of rejection...because I'm operating from people pleasing/approval seeking instead of in Jesus name, and to glorify God.
So there you go. Is it okay to end a blog with "The End"?
Oh WHO CARES!!!!!!!!