I took a deep breath as I resang the same line for the 20th time. Thoughts of ‘not good enough’ and ‘someone else would do a better job’ lurked in the shadows of my mind.
I’ve always loved to sing, and music in general. It was weaved into the fabric of my heart ‘from the beginning’.
Over the years, this piece of my heart gave way to my acceptance of Satan’s lies as my truth. Until more recently, I resigned myself to having imagined my love of singing and any giftedness I had once believed I had.
Until, like the layers of an onion, I am becoming aware of the lies I’ve been clinging to. I’ve made a commitment to believe God’s truth instead of Satan’s lies. I learned to refute the lies with scripture and my knowledge of God.
1.) I love to sing.
2.) I’ve never had formal lessons or help. I just learned to sing at church and repeating what I’ve heard from other sources. So my knowledge and skill level are fairly elementary.
3.) Michael says I have a good ear, and he would know, so I believe it.
4.) If I use the small giftedness that I believe God has given me, it will grow. I am not stuck in my current skill level.
5.) If God asks me to do it, He will give me the power. He is good. He wouldn’t give me a job just to see me humiliated.
The thing is though, it’s one thing to say those things. It’s another to put my money where my mouth is and act.
So a few weeks ago when Michael asked if I would be willing to sing on the praise team at church, my initial reaction was ‘no. stinkin’. way.’ And then Moses came to mind. You see, I have begged and begged and begged God to show me where He can use me, and I realized that He has and I’ve made excuses, said “I can’t do that” and refused the assignment.
I made a decision. I would not mention or pursue the praise team question to anyone but if the worship minister himself came and asked me to sing, I would take it as an assignment from God and say yes.
He asked me the very next Sunday, and true to my word, I said yes.
I can’t tell you the number of times I was tempted to change my mind. I can’t tell you the number of times I had to talk myself back from the edge. Each time the doubts and fears crept in I reminded myself that I was sure that God had given me this assignment and that I was not going to turn Him away. I know that someone else could have done it better, but He asked ME this time. And I trust Him. I trust Him to work for my good and for the good of my church family. He wouldn’t do something that would harm me or them.
So...I did it. I probably missed most of the notes, but I did it. I worshipped. Not only with the words I sang but in the very act of doing it, I worshipped Him.
It was more about Him than me. Regardless of my ability or lack thereof to sing the correct notes, He grew me. He proved Himself faithful and He worked in me and through me.
I’m not sure how many times in my life I have been able to confidently point to a moment in time and say that I am sure I was doing the work of God, but this moment is one.
This is the next link in my testimony. A few months ago, I never imagined that I would sing on the praise team. The thought hadn't even occurred to me. And I would have immediately dismissed it if it had. I would have said ‘no. stinkin’. way’ with fervor and finality if the idea had been proposed to me.
He did something in me. I haven’t processed enough to be able to pinpoint each step in the process but God has done amazing things in my heart just within the last month! There is concrete, tangible evidence of it.
How awesome is that?!E