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The Tale of Two Girls: But Really, Only One

Hannah FancherJuly 26, 2011 at 3:41pm · Sometimes I feel really bad about myself. I think that God could have done so much more with me if I had not wasted 10 years wallowing in sin (as a side note--I spent the last 10 years trying to figure out what was psychologically wrong with me...and then I started listening to a series of sermons on the book of Roman's and had so many 'aha!' moments it was ridiculous! But the verse that talks about God giving "them" over to their sin and allowing them to wallow in it really hit me. There was nothing wrong with me psychologically except that, I believe, God had given me over to my sin. So there you go.) I should be so much farther along. And I start to feel ashamed.
But it hit me the other day...yeah I have really sucked it up...but I believe that God has shown His power in my life by doing things that can absolutely NOT be mistaken for MY power...in a way that I don't think I could have understood if I didn't see th…

Order of Operations: God's Process

When my kitchen is a MESS, I mean REALLY A MESS. Like every last dish in the kitchen is dirty, there's not a square centimeter of counter space that's not congested with dishes or covered in flour or jelly, and the trash is overflowing. When my kitchen is THAT dirty...I have a process.

I don't go in and start doing the dishes. I start with the easiest tasks. The tasks that can be done quickly but that make a big difference quickly. First, I take out the trash. Second, I put away the things on the counters that are ready to be put away, consolidate the dishes into one space, and wipe down the counters. Then I unload the dishwasher, reload it, and fill the dirtiest dishes to be hand washed with warm water, a bit of Dawn and set them aside. Finally, I wash the dishes.
When the dishes are all clean, I set about detailing the counters - making sure there is no trace of jelly or flour in the nooks and crannys - and any other organizational tasks that need to be completed.

Lastl…

What I haven't told you about our house. . .

I clicked on a Facebook ad.

Facebook ads are mostly a source of merriment for me. A while back all of the ads were for toilets. Apparently SOMEONE had been shopping for toilets online.

Anyway, I clicked on the ad. It was from a mortgage lender boasting that they could give us a mortgage that would be cheaper than renting. I honestly don't know why it caught my eye. It did, I clicked it and filled out the form. I was brutally honest about our financial situation. I didn't want to get halfway through the process, fall in love with a house and then be told we didn't actually qualify.

I expected them to either respond with a checklist of things we needed to do to qualify, or not at all. I never in a million years thought they would tell us that we qualify. (Michael was actually really annoyed that I did this. He had no confidence in this at all.)

To be honest, we had given up hope of being homeowners the spring before.

So I was shocked when they responded pretty quickly assuri…

Getting to Know the Shepherd of My Soul

As the deer pants for water so my soul longs to know God. To drink Him in.

I grasp for Him with each breath as my spirit cries “more of you God, less of me”.
I search for Him in the pages of the Old. In the relationships vividly depicted there.


Israel asked for a king. God gave them one. He warned them, and then He gave them one.  

I used to think God chose Saul to be the first king because he was such a great guy. But I’ve changed my mind. I think God may have chosen him because He knew Saul would go down in flames. To contrast our foolish and shallow view of humanity in thinking we know what's best for us, with His all wise and all knowing perspective.

Saul was the exact kind of person to catch a human eye. The one we would all choose to be king. From my point of view, he seemed the right choice. But he quickly became cocky, unwilling to submit to God and in deep denial about his attitude and sin. He ended up chasing David around the country-side in very real 'Roadrunner and C…

Window Shopping: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Cold and dark. Crisp. Leaves rain from sky, settle on sidewalk and my steps choke a satisfying crunch from their lifeless leafy body.

Breath catches. I peer into the window of a home as I pass. The light from within penetrates the darkness outside. Warmth, laughter and love spills into the night.

The coziness of the scene sucker punches me. Loneliness envelopes me. 
Longing fills my gut.
Craving . . . 
to be included. invited in. loved. accepted. 
to understand the meaning behind the knowing glances and secret language that evokes mirth, but only to those who know it well.

to be completely and utterly known. And to know. 
I know this aching well. 
I've walked through life looking in windows at every opportunity to socialize.
Longing.
Wishing. 
Manipulating.
Blaming.
Harming. Me
If I could be funnier. If I were prettier, thinner, nicer, more easygoing, more hardcore. If I liked different things, if my goals were different. If I were someone else. Anyone else
Like a science ficti…

Had it Not Been the Lord Who Was on My Side . . .

3 years ago today, the kids and I carried all of our earthly possessions and set them in our driveway for Michael to pack into the trailer we would haul behind our van. We had planned and schemed for over a year and those plans and schemes were coming to fruition.

Somehow we had the money and the time just seemed right.

We moved to CA when our kids were 5, 4, 3, 15 months and 15 months. I was 25 and . . . barely alive. Physically and mentally.

We needed to get away. A fresh start. And that’s what California gave us. We stayed there 6 years and 10 months.

I think the most significant thing that happened while we lived there is that I really and truly gave my life to Jesus. I stepped out of my denial and admitted how messed up I was and how I had completely messed up my life. I realized that my brokenness was all I had to offer and I gave it to Him to deal with. And I learned that He wanted that all along.

That eventually brought our family to Texas. Irving. Older women. Spiritual couns…

When Frugal is Out of Your Price Range

2012 - 2014 were especially hard years for us. Here's why . . .

Breath caught in my throat.

For two weeks I had told myself  "if we can just make it through this two weeks". And the end of two weeks came and we had even less money to buy groceries.

When we finally committed to paying all of our bills consistently, our life didn't change all that much. We still had to juggle our bills. We had to choose which bills to pay. We rotated them.

But the juggling act didn't always leave room for groceries. More than once I had $40 to buy groceries for our family of 7 that needed to last two weeks. I did the best I could, and "just make it through these two weeks" became my mantra. Except, sometimes when we got paid again, there was NOTHING left for groceries. So, I had to figure out how to make the $40 worth of groceries I had bought two week before, stretch for two more.

And you know what?! We survived.

We did not eat three meals a day and our meals did not loo…

M.Y.O.B.

Sometimes I say I'm doing something for God, and then I obsess over how well I did or didn't do it. Or what other people think of it.

Take being hospitable for example, I apologize for my house because I'm not a great housekeeper. Even when I've spent hours getting it ready for company. I apologize for the food because I'm not a great cook and I feel bad that they have to eat my cooking when they come to my house for dinner.

But if I'm REALLY doing it for God's glory, then why do I obsess over my performance?

If it's really for God's glory and not seeking my own, then God is my focus. Not how well I did. Not how smoothly things did or did not go.

If it's really for God's glory, it doesn't matter how many followers I have or who wants to publish my writing.

If it's for God's glory and I am doing the best I can, it doesn't matter if the chicken is the best chicken my guests have ever eaten or if the loaf is evenly cooked and ea…

Judging Peter

I've judged Peter before. But not today.I imagine the wind sweeping through his hair, blowing into his face as he calls out to Jesus.Words come out of nowhere, "Bid me to come to you on the water!"Peter steps out onto the water and. . . things change. The impossibility of walking on water and virility of the wind just gets to him.Talk is cheap. It's the doing that costs.I feel called. I dream and scheme. I make a plan.But the moment I take a step toward actually DOING the plan . . . a big step that could be life changing and devastating if I heard God wrong.I can't catch my breath.Panic.Can I undo this? This is crazy! Why did I think this was a good idea?!I think of Peter. And I don't judge his fear of the wind.My plans are God's. He can do with them what He will.I am not looking at that wind.I am not questioning the mechanics of the impossible. That's not my job.It's my job to put one foot in front of the other . . .and to keep my eyes on Jesus w…