I would probably be dead.
No exaggeration. No dramatics. Without the cross of Jesus Christ I would probably be dead.
I would have given in to the darkness. "The anger of the enemy would have swallowed"...me..."alive".
The lies of Satan would have consumed me like a python consuming a baby piglet.
I believed I wasn't good enough. I believed that there was something inherently wrong with me. I believed that I was a garbage person with a Judas heart. That for whatever reason, I was born evil.
I lied, cheated and stole. I gossiped, and wore pride like a Bubble Boy wears his bubble.
I sought attention through negative behaviors.
And I self harmed.
All while going to church 3 times a week and checking off the to-do list. I was "raised in the church".
But then Jesus plucked me out of the clutches of Satan.
I haven't had suicidal thoughts in years. I'm open and honest about who I am.
Regardless of what anyone says to me or about me or thinks of me, I know who I am. I can cook and have people over for dinner and not stress or worry about how the food tastes or how my house compares to any other. I can just let God be glorified in whatever way He sees fit.
But that's all icing on the cake. My relationship with God the Father, my life in the Spirit and submission to Jesus is the real cake.
Whatever comes my way, THAT is my reality. Whether the Lord gives or takes away things in this life...His name is still blessed.
And that's what the Cross means to me.