Getting to Know the Shepherd of My Soul

As the deer pants for water so my soul longs to know God. To drink Him in.

I grasp for Him with each breath as my spirit cries more of you God, less of me”.

I search for Him in the pages of the Old. In the relationships vividly depicted there.

Israel asked for a king. God gave them one. He warned them, and then He gave them one.  

I used to think God chose Saul to be the first king because he was such a great guy. But I’ve changed my mind. I think God may have chosen him because He knew Saul would go down in flames. To contrast our foolish and shallow view of humanity in thinking we know what's best for us, with His all wise and all knowing perspective.

Saul was the exact kind of person to catch a human eye. The one we would all choose to be king. From my point of view, he seemed the right choice. But he quickly became cocky, unwilling to submit to God and in deep denial about his attitude and sin. He ended up chasing David around the country-side in very real 'Roadrunner and Coyote' fashion. He was eaten up with jealousy and mentally ill because of it. He wasted his own life and hundreds of others that he killed in his crusade to end David.

In contrast, David was rejected by his own father, ridiculed and dismissed by his brothers, forgotten even after his victory over Goliath. But God perceived a kindred spirit where humans saw a dirty, smelly, forgettable shepherd boy.

His frame of reference was based on things too deep and complex and wise for human senses to detect.  

Where humans can only see a minute portion of either the forest OR the trees, God sees the entire forest and each leaf on every tree.

And so, I surrender once again. I lay down the burdens and assumptions and biases and prejudices that I've picked back up time and time again. If God's yoke is easy and light, why do I keep picking up the heavy one again? The one that feels impossible. The one that requires me to live up to the standards of other people and myself. The one that has to know all of the answers. The one that has to manipulate the approval of people. The one that has to please others at all costs. The one that never measures up. The one that will never be liked. The one that isolates. The one that . . . is so. stinkin. tired.

I surrender to a God who is infinitely good, amazingly wise and unfailingly trustworthy. Whose strength is made perfect in my weakness. Who, even before He made the world loved me and chose me in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. Who decided in advance to adopt me into His own family by bringing me to himself through Jesus Christ. Who wanted to do this and who took great pleasure in it.

How could I NOT surrender to a God like that?!

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