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Showing posts from September, 2017

FAIL!

In third grade, I was the best speller in my class. They talked to my parents and gave me the test to see if I could be moved to the accelerated class for "gifted" kids.

I passed and they let me in. But for some reason, I felt like a fraud.

Until that point, I worked really hard at being a good student. I thought I could find my self worth in excelling academically.

Even as an 8 year old child, I remember being afraid of receiving confirmation that I was dumb. Or of anyone noticing how dumb I really was.

When I got into the class for "gifted" kids I felt the need to puff myself up. To make myself seem special and more likable/lovable than I believed I was. I bluffed my way through, expecting the ax to fall at any moment.

My fourth grade teacher seemed drawn to a specific group of students. I was not in that group. No matter what I did, he never seemed to notice or approve. He would hand assignments back to me, tell me I hadn't put any effort into them and keep …